i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
