is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
