I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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