..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize