I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
