I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
there is puke in my bra ... again
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
