i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
