I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
