If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
there was a trapeze. enough said
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
