I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
