You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
