I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize