I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
