I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
