i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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