The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
