I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
