goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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