Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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