If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Boobs speak an international language.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
