Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
