Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
