in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize