just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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