It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
