I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
