that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
