If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
