It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
