Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
