You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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