Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
