Welp...herpes.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
