mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
