babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
