I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sorry my hands just texted you
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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