saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
