A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She needs sedatives and a leash
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
