I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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