All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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