The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
