My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
