So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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