if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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