smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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