so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
