I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This toilet bowl is my home.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
