dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
