So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
