I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize