is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize