and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
