I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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