did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
