what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize