Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
