Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
