I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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