i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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