Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
