I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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