I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
