been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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