I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
