we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
