I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
