He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's rum buckets o'clock
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
