I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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