Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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