I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
