The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
