why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
