when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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