You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
